


The Bad Kind of Surprise

by BonDotCom



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Other, set during a jumpcut in s2e24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 06:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4656066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonDotCom/pseuds/BonDotCom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The complete list of things S. LaFontaine cannot coolly handle with just a sarcastic quip and/or a flamethrower: Death (of themself or their friends), Serious Injury (of their friends), Lola Perry Crying (must avoid at all costs).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bad Kind of Surprise

LaFontaine was not entirely sold on Laura's plan, but they had to admit they didn't have any better ideas. At least, they didn't have any better ideas that Laura and the others would ever actually agree to. It seemed like a waste of available resources to not use any of the Dean's neat tools to get the information they needed out of the vampires ( _There are shackles in the freezer just sitting there empty!_ ) but that would only make the tension in the house worse.

Even if Mattie deserved all the suffering a vengeful biology major could possibly create.

It was late enough in the afternoon for the day patrols to be over, so Laura had sent LaFontaine to get the blood for making her deal with the vampires. They were reading about light therapy boxes and sensory deprivation on their phone as they made their way through the house to the kitchen. ( _Because really how could the gang say "no that's torture, LaFontaine" or "no that's excessively cruel, LaFontaine" if there was no actual pain involved?_ ) They pushed the door open with a bit too much force in their angrily distracted state and startled themself with the bang of it hitting the adjacent wall. When they looked up in surprise they jolted to a halt. _Oh_.

Apparently there had already been someone in the kitchen. If they hadn't been in their own world, they might have registered Perry's tuneless humming or the steady sounds of chopping coming from the other side of the door. If they hadn’t been in their own world, they might have knocked first and called out their usual _hey, Perr_. If they hadn’t been in their own world, they might not have scared their best friend who was in the middle of disassembling a melon with a very large knife. Instead, with a sharp “Hah!” Perry had whirled to defend herself and stopped with the point of her chef’s knife less than an inch from the bridge of LaFontaine’s nose.

They were both frozen for what felt like an age, and the only coherent thought in LaFontaine’s mind was _So this is what death looks like_. They had never seen Perry's face look so cold, and certainly never had that look directed at _them_. Even when she had lost her mind and tried to murder Mattie she had looked crazed, frantic, like a woman pushed over the edge. Now she was all cold, efficient loathing and LaFontaine was certain that if they hadn’t looked up and seen a flash coming at them they would already be dead or blind. They knew how skilled she was with the weapon from all her cooking classes and had no doubt, from the way she held it as an extension of her arm to the way she held the rest of her body in a sort of fencing stance, that the kitchen would be the absolute worst place to try and attack Lola Perry. Or, in their case, to be attacked by Lola Perry.

Half a second had passed, and the door thumped back into LaFontaine’s shoulder. Perry blinked heavily as she came back to reality, finally deflating with a deep sigh. She fell back against the counter and smoothly dropped her knife on the cutting board. “I-- G-god, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” She brought a shaky hand up to scrub at her face. “I thought you were-- I saw-- Are-- Are you okay?”

As she looked up at them, the calculated murder gone from her eyes, LaFontaine remembered to breathe. “Yes! Yes, I’m…” They coughed awkwardly to clear the knot in their throat. “I’m fine. You didn’t hit me.” Perry sighed again and covered her face with both hands, shaking her head and turning red with what they guessed was a mix of emotions. They were never very good with emotions. “Remind me to never get on your bad side,” they chuckled.

She scoffed from behind her hands and took another deep breath before she looked up at them with watery eyes. “I don’t think that’s even possible. I don’t hate _you_.” The loathing from before returned for a second, but it wasn’t half as strong. _Oh. She’d thought they were Mattie_. They took a few steps toward her and reached out to put a hand on her arm. She covered it with one of her own and gave them a concerned frown. “I could never hurt you. You know that, right? I love you.”

They nodded and squeezed her arm, giving her a crooked smile. “And I love you, Perr. We’re family.” The two had known each other for a decade and a half and been inseparable practically the entire time. No matter how confusing things had gotten recently, LaFontaine had no doubts about them being a family. They certainly loved each other, the only question was in how many dimensions. But that was something to worry about when death, injury, or Perry crying didn’t seem quite so imminent. First,they needed to be a better friend than they were before the meltdown. "Are _you_ okay?"

“I don’t know,” she muttered. “I thought if I faced my fears and confronted Mattie things would be better, but instead I’m no less frightened and I’ve learned exactly what being mauled by a vampire feels like. And gained another scar to add to my supernatural attack collection.” LaFontaine frowned and glanced at Perry’s shoulder, where her cardigan was hiding a set of puncture wounds. Relatively speaking, the scarring should be minor - Laura’s bite from last semester hadn’t left a scar at all but it was less severe than Perry’s bite from a few days ago. And it would certainly be nothing compared to the text that would be easily legible on Perry’s stomach for the rest of her life.

She looked close to crying again, so they held out their arms in a silent offer. She gave them a sad half-smile before stepping forward to put her head on their shoulder and slide her arms around their waist. They carefully wrapped their arms around her back, avoiding her bite and its bruising. They weren’t sure what to say, but they knew that hugs made Perry feel better about almost anything and they could at least do that. They fell back into their default reaction to trauma - comedy. “You know, it is a pretty hardcore story to have a scar from. Attacked a millennia-old vampire with just homemade holy water, almost had her on the ropes, lived to tell the tale.”

She snorted and burrowed closer into their neck. “Of course you would think so. Other than the whole part where I only lived to tell the tale because she'd previously agreed to not kill anyone, it’s a fantastic story. I’ll be beating suitors away with a stick. I'm sure you'll be devastated.” They smacked her good arm for the sarcastic tone, and she laughed. At least she was making jokes about it. She would be okay, eventually. They stayed that way for a moment in silence, holding Perry and feeling her breath on their collar even out as she slowly became less tense. They were always concerned she would someday pull a muscle just from sheer tension, but maybe they'd avoided it for today. She worried so much about taking care of everyone else, but who would take care of her if LaFontaine didn't? Even if all they could do was take her mind off her fears.

“So, where did you even _find_ a cantaloupe? The grocery’s been nutritionally empty for weeks.” They were surprisingly disappointed at the loss of contact as she pulled back and rolled her eyes.

“Vordenberg’s personal stores, of course.” She shook her head at the look of suspicion on their face and went back to leaning on the counter. “He’s not here. He's been sending me gifts through his student army since he became Chair of the Board. It’s certainly creepy, but we aren't really in a position to turn away food that doesn't have dubious ingredients or an expiration date two years from now."

They continued to look at the partially diced melon like it might explode. "Do you really trust it, though? Just because it's a fruit doesn't mean it can't have 'dubious ingredients'."

"I trust it more than I trust the pies in the cafeteria. I saw that Voice report. Besides, he's sending these things addressed to me. Or, you know, to the 'Titian Goddess of the Household'." They both snickered at that, even as Perry shuddered in disgust. "I doubt he'd risk poisoning me just to get at everyone else. Or our 'pets' which he still doesn't seem to know we have."

"You think so?"

"Mhm. As far as I can tell he doesn’t even realize yet that we’re not fully on his side. Which could be another act I suppose, but he really seems so _blindingly arrogant_...” The door opened again and Danny leaned into the kitchen.

"Hey LaF, the vamps are getting restless." LaFontaine jumped as they remembered why they came into the kitchen in the first place and went to get the blood from the fridge. Danny smiled at Perry. "Sorry to steal them from you, but we might be making some progress soon. And Mattie is topside again, so you know."

"That's alright, I'll just stay in here for now." Perry picked up her chef's knife again and gestured vaguely toward the pots and pans hanging from a rack. "Plenty of things to defend myself with."

Danny grinned and patted Perry on the shoulder, luckily the one without fang marks in it. "That's the spirit. She won't try you again, not with everyone watching her."

LaFontaine came back to the door with a blood bag in each hand. "Anyone who tries Perry in a kitchen is making a big mistake. Just look at what she's done to that poor cantaloupe." They nodded to Danny, "All set. I'll come back later to help with dinner, Perr."

"See you in a bit, sweetie." Perry smiled at them both as they turned to leave. "Be careful."

The door closed behind them, but she still heard LaFontaine laugh and call back their usual response to that request. "Never!"

**Author's Note:**

> And then JP jumped LaF. :/
> 
> (I have a headcanon that if Perry is upset or hurt enough to be crying LaFontaine cannot function as a human. They have to fix it, whatever it is at the time. They were beside themself until Perry was released from the emergency room after Mattie's attack.)


End file.
